Diomede T.

Am I burned out?

I'm tired of my work - and, honestly, of everything digital.

This has happened before, but this time it feels more real. Maybe that's just because I'm caught in the middle of the storm right now, and not enough time has passed for the “fading effect bias” to kick in and soften it all.

At moments like this, I feel as if I'm wasting my time doing anything related to a computer. Even writing this (though I know it helps) comes with a background discomfort, loud enough to make the act itself unpleasant.

The strange part is that I know this feeling is temporary. Usually, my yearly two-week break away from screens resets me. By the end of it, the spark returns, and I'm eager to get back. But this year, it didn't work. I just came back from my break, and the feelings are still here; if anything, stronger than before.

I'm certain that I love programming and computers. If I take a longer "detox," the craving to return grows until it peaks; and when it does, I end up doing impulsive things I regret later. Like switching to a completely new operating system or overhauling my entire setup just for the rush of change. I tend to go all in, burning bridges so I can't go back.

Over the years, this pendulum effect has only grown stronger. Sometimes I've managed to keep it in check, but often not; and the outcomes have usually been bad. Then again, maybe that's just my negativity bias talking. It's possible none of this is as dramatic as it feels right now.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say right now with this post. I just feel this restlessness, like something in me is shifting, or maybe I'm losing something. It's like a tree shedding its bark: uncomfortable, raw, but somehow necessary. Maybe it's part of natural growth or maybe the environment has become too polluted, too unfamiliar and it's forcing me to adapt in ways I don't full understand.

Either way, something is changing. There's this quiet sense of uncertainty I can't quite name. I've spent enough time on this for today. Maybe I'll come back to it later, or maybe I won't.